By Susan Swartz, N.Y. Times News Service
It's a delicate topic but someone better be talking to Aunt
Ethel about AIDS.
Now that she's out dating again she could be having sex (and why
not?) and she needs to know that she is just as much at risk as
anyone getting involved with a new partner.
So before she comes back from her cruise with a T-shirt saying
``All I got in the Caribbean was HIV'' she needs to know about the
new facts of life.
It's one thing to be a swinging senior but not if you end up
with AIDS, a message that health workers are trying to get across
to a generation that may not have had new lovers or even sex for
some time.
Older people, an age category that can start as low as 50 or
from 65 on up, depending on who you're talking to, are not a huge
risk group for AIDS but a definite one. In California in 1998,
people age 50 and older accounted for almost 12 percent of the
state's AIDS cases. Men in their 60s and older accounted for 2
percent of AIDS cases. Women in the 65-and-older group accounted
for 3 percent of the AIDS cases.
Had they been tested early enough they might have mitigated the
disease with medication before the HIV virus turned into full-blown
AIDS. But you know how it is with some people. They were raised
differently. They're squeamish talking about sex of any kind, let
alone safe sex. And until now they've been pretty much ignored by
AIDS education and prevention efforts, which focused largely on
young people.
For older people AIDS wasn't a factor when they were last out
looking for lovers. Unless it's affected a friend or relative, the
most they know about AIDS is what they read. Until they rejoined
the dating circuit, exposure to AIDS might not have been relative
to their life.
These are people who may never have taken sex education. These
are women whose biggest worry around sex was an unwanted pregnancy
but that concern eventually ended. Yet, being post-menopausal is no
protection against AIDS or Hepatitis C or other sexually
transmitted diseases that weren't as virulent or even known in
early birds-and-bees lectures.
These are men who haven't carried a condom in their wallets
since they rolled their cigarettes in their T-shirt sleeve and who,
even if they contracted a disease in the past, didn't experience it
as long-lasting.
But now there's AIDS and the times demand that older people have
to deal with some of the same cold facts that young lovers do. Like
talking about having sex before you have it. Like not giving into
the passion of the moment unless there's protection.
``You have to talk about the C-word _ condoms,'' said Mary
Flett, who's been an AIDS education worker since the epidemic
began. ``There's reluctance.''
One professional woman in her mid-50s said she ended a
relationship because the man took offense when she insisted he use
a condom. He was insulted, she said, even though she explained the
domino theory of AIDS. The HIV virus can incubate for seven to 10
years. It doesn't matter how confident you are of the health status
of your own sex partner, you don't know about that partner's former
partners. And so on. She was married and having babies during the
free- love period. By the time she was divorced and back to meeting
men, casual sex was risky business, although she says not all men
her age see it that way.
``I didn't like his attitude,'' she said. ``I told him you
should be just as worried about me as I am about you.''
While AIDS isn't the death sentence it once was, health worker
Flett asked, ``Who wants to be dealing with other issues of aging
and get an HIV diagnosis on top?''
Viagra has increased the need for new AIDS vigilance upon the
part of born-again romantics, said Flett, who's with the Center for
HIV Prevention and Care in Sonoma County.
``You have someone who hasn't been sexually active and now has
the opportunity. But they also need some awareness and sense of
responsibility.''
Her advice to anyone in a new relationship is the same
regardless of age. Use a condom and get an HIV test if you think
you've been exposed to the virus.
The test isn't routine in a general blood test but you can ask
your doctor for one. If that's awkward there are anonymous testing
sites where you can test and also get good tips on healthy sex with
no regrets.
``We're dealing with a belief system that people over a certain
age don't have sex at all,'' said Flett.
Happily, there is assurance, from Bob Dole and others, that this
isn't true. Sex doesn't necessarily have an age limit.
Unfortunately, neither does AIDS.
