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 We
all know that broken bones can hurt. We all know that bruises can
hurt. But there are other kinds of hurt, as well.
Emotional
neglect or abuse can hurt as much as physical abuse. But it can
be harder to see because words don't leave marks on the outside
of kids. Words leave marks on the inside.
Emotional
neglect happens when kids do not get the love and attention they
need to feel good about themselves. Their parents will not tell
them how much they are loved. Their parents will not show them affection,
like hugs and kisses. Their parents will not tell them how important
they are. Their parents will not say "Good job!" when they do something
right.
A
child who is physically neglected can be emotionally neglected.
But emotional neglect can exist by itself. Children may be cared
for in every other way, but not receive the love and attention they
need.
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Possible signs of emotional neglect |
-
Babies who spend long periods of time in their crib
without a parent checking on them.
- Babies
who do not respond or show happiness when you pay
attention to them.
- Toddlers
or preschoolers who look sad or withdrawn, or who
frequently fight with other children.
- Children
who seem to have no friends.
- Parents
who seem depressed or unhappy, or who never show joy
in being a parent.
- Families
that seem to have few visitors or close friends.
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Impact
of emotional neglect
Studies
that have looked at emotionally neglected children as they grow
up show that these kids have many different problems. Some research
has shown that emotionally neglected toddlers and preschoolers tend
to be angry, refusing to follow directions, giving up easily when
asked to do something and showing little joy or happiness.
Later
in elementary school, research shows that neglected children tend
to have a hard time making friends and paying attention in class,
resulting in poor academic performance. These children tend to be
angry and fight a lot.
When
children show these sorts of problems, it becomes even more difficult
for others to give children the warm and positive messages they
need to feel better about themselves. So the problems continue and
can get worse over time.
When
children are emotionally neglected, it is as if a part of them dies
inside. If you are a parent or another important person in a child's
life, that child will look to you to help him or her feel good about
himself or herself. When kids go through life without love and attention,
they think they don't deserve it. They don't know how valuable they
really are.
What
to do if you suspect a child is being emotionally neglected
-
Be a friend to the child. Offer extra warmth and attention. Deep
down, every child wants to be loved.
- Be
a friend to the parent. Find ways to help him or her. Offer a
break from the child for, say, an afternoon or evening.
- Let
other people know. A school counselor, for example, may be able
to spend time with the child and find ways to talk to the parent
in a way that will not be ignored.
If
you have concerns that serious emotional or physical neglect is
occurring, you should call the police or child protective services
in your community.
You
may not want to make these calls. Some people may think that the
child will automatically be taken from the home. This does not happen.
Child protection workers only remove a child if there is a serious
threat to the child's health or well-being.
Source:
Information courtesy of Prevent Child Abuse America www.preventchildabuse.org
Reprinted with Permission © 2000 Prevent Child Abuse America
Adapted from "Emotional Neglect: Being Hurt by What is Not
There" by Jon Korfmacher, PhD. ©1998 Prevent Child Abuse America
Copyright
© 2000 PersonalMD.com. All rights reserved.
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